On Fear… and things…

Have you ever wanted something so badly, but been terrified of doing what it takes to get it? I think that’s the worst… Which is stronger?
The desire to have what you crave, or the fear of failing in your attempts to gain it?

“If you had one shot
Or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
In one moment…
Would you capture
Or just let it slip?”

“I am unwritten, can’t read my mind, I’m undefined
I’m just beginning, the pen’s in my hand, ending unplanned”

I always had big dreams… But I’ve been told my whole life that I am not capable of doing the things I want to do. The words spoken to me at a young age, into my adulthood, and throughout my marriage… they sank in. I can pretend to shake them off, act like they don’t bother me… but the truth is, some things just don’t shake off. They stuck with me… And I believed them all.

“Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find”

“I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage…”

I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff here. I can see what I want my life to be… what it could be… It’s all there ahead of me…
If only I can find the courage to jump.

But those voices come… They whisper their lies.
“You can’t do that… don’t you know? You’re just a dumb blond. You’re too uncoordinated… incompetent. Too ditzy. How are you going to manage? You have failed at almost everything you’ve tried… wouldn’t you just be better off staying where you are?”

“The soul is escaping, through this hole that is gaping
This world is mine for the taking… make me king!”

“I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines.
We’ve been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can’t live that way”

I refuse to allow fear to control my life anymore. I know I can’t stay here where I am. I know I can do better. Be better. Yes, it’s scary. But do you know what’s scarier? Choosing to sit still when you know full well you could move forward. Giving up on dreams because attaining them requires effort. Sitting back and doing nothing and proving the voices right.
I refuse

“Success is my only […] option, failure’s not…
So here I go, it’s my shot, feet fail me not!
This may be the only opportunity that I’ve got…”

“Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it…
Release your inhibitions, feel the rain on your skin!
No one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in…
No one else can speak the words on your lips”

I’m starting to realize that life is no fairy tale… There are no super heroes or knights in shining armor coming to rescue me. No fairy godmother is going to change my fate. If I want my fate changed, if I need rescuing, I am going to have to be the one who stands up here.
I have to save myself. I have to change my own fate.
I have to do the difficult things… and if I have to, I will do them afraid

“Drench yourself in words unspoken,
Live your life with arms wide open!
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten”

“You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go…
You only get one shot, DO NOT miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime…”



Lyrics: Lose Yourself by Eminem and Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield